I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
