Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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