Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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