yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
