quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
