Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
