So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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