I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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