I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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