Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
