I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
