u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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