There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
