He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
