Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
