My cat gives me a boner
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
