i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
