As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
