PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
