listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
