i need an iv and a liver transplant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
