I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
