Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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