I wannas sexs uuuuu
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
