Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
