How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm like, not good at living.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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