I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
