When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
