the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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