YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
