we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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