She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he thought i was a dude.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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