I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
