Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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