grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
