I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
