you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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