what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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