is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
