Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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