Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
