Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
