first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
