need another drink. this is the easiest way
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
