She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
