Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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