i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
