I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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