Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
