my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
