I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
