His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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