We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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