he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
